How to talk about other people’s bodies...

The best way to talk about the changing bodies around you? Don’t!

This sounds extreme and over simplified, I know, but here’s your friendly reminder that each human is carrying an individual lived experience surrounding their physical form on this earth, and a lot of it hasn’t been stellar.

Assuming a person in a larger body wants to be smaller (and wants to be complimented on any observed decrease in size) is (a) inherently fatphobic, and (b) makes a massive assumption about their health and their own health journey. 

Let me be clear—every human should have full autonomy on whatever is happening to their bod. Want to pursue weight loss? Cool. Want to bulk up? Also cool. For both, choose smart guidance and methodology and keep it safe.

That being said, over the years I’ve been a trainer, I’ve had clients lose body mass not just due to a weight loss goal, but also due to injury, disease, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and mental health struggles, none of which feel great to be complimented on. On the flip side, I’ve had clients and friends with smaller frames hate being called "small", many struggling to put on muscle mass and change their body shape in a different way. Another essay for another day, the concept of a changing body vs identity...

We deal with so much stress and conflict on a daily basis that the last thing we need is for someone to comment on our exterior appearance, assuming their observations align with our intentions. 

What to do? 

First step? Don’t panic. We’ve all done this. We’re all culturally programmed to do this. We’re humans, we will continue to make mistakes.

Second step? Reprogram yourself. Compliment someone’s function. Compliment the intentional outward choices they’ve made for their skin suit! 

I can tell you firsthand what always feels incredible is when someone notices your strength gains and calls out all of your hard work. If you see someone doing something impressive at the gym, tell them! Impressive doesn’t have to be a staggering number of pounds picked up or pressed—it could be their form, their consistency, their resilience in working towards a goal. Love someone’s gym fit or footwear? Chances are they chose it for a reason, and whether they definitively love it or took a chance and still feel unsure about it, positive reinforcement goes a long way.

The best part about this strategy? The more we work on this towards others, the easier it gets to practice for ourselves. 

In movement,

Kim

Photo Credit: Runaway Camera

how to talk about other peoples bodies